


the natural thing to do (is try to kill one another)

by neoculture_dorkology



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Action, Alternate Universe, Angst, Chatfic with Drabbles, Fantasy, Fluff, Group chat, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Murder, Or more we'll see, Rating may go up, Supernatural - Freeform, Violence, Warnings will probably be added, more tags tba
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-31
Updated: 2019-02-07
Packaged: 2019-06-19 16:42:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 5,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15514092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neoculture_dorkology/pseuds/neoculture_dorkology
Summary: nayutathere's really no better way to ruin yourchances with someone than to try andkill them, johhny :)nayutacongrats!





	1. a not so great meeting

**ten outta ten and his various hoes**

**very hot  
** fuck i need help

 **very hot  
** guys?

 **very hot**  
what use are hoes when they don't  
answer you when you are very obviously  
having a crisis

 **valentinesboy**  
for fuck's sake ten what are you crying   
about now??? did someone put fruit in   
the fridge again

 **very hot**  
no or i'd be killing a bitch rather than  
trying to get ahold of my not loyal hoes

 **long ass ride  
** *these hoes ain't loyal intensifies*

 **valentinesboy**  
mark we know you're a child but please  
stop acting like one 

 **long ass ride**  
okay  
someone has to be mature here, after all

 **very hot**  
aLL OF THAT ASIDE I AM HAVING AN  
ACTUAL CRISIS RIGHT NOW

 **imnotabunny**  
fucking spill already ten damn you're being  
more dramatic than when you can't get   
dick

 **very hot  
** i'm not dramatic when i can't get dick

 **taeyongs**  
THERE IS A CHILD HERE WHAT ARE YOU TWO  
DOING 

**_taeyongs_  has removed  _long ass ride_ from the chat**

**taeyongs**  
okay now why are you being so dramatic  
does someone's dick need removing  
I learned an excellent spell for body part   
removal the other day and I need to try it on  
an actual person

 **very hot**  
TAEYONG WHAT THE FUCK NO  
NO REMOVING HIS BODY PARTS, DICK  
ESPECIALLY

 **valentinesboy**  
why is this called "ten and his hoes" instead of  
"ten is a hoe" 

 **very hot**  
why are you no help whatsoever  
and why am i not surprised by that

 **imnotabunny**  
mAYBE TRY TELLING US WHAT YOUR SO CALLED  
CRISIS IS IF YOU WANT US TO BE HELPFUL TEN

 **very hot  
** okay, so

 **very hot  
** he's very hot

 **valentinesboy  
** why am I not surprised at this 

 **very hot  
** shut up jaehyun. he's also very tall

 **imnotabunny  
** GET TO THE POINT

 **very hot**  
his name is johnny and he may or may  
not have attempted to kill me earlier

 **taeyongs**  
for the last time ten, hot boys aren't trying to kill  
you. just because you're easily distracted and   
drool over them all the time and get "heart   
attacks" does not mean they're trying to kill you

 **very hot  
** no taeyong, i'm being serious

 **very hot**  
he tried to kill me, in the park, with a  
blade that last time i checked was very  
illegal in this kingdom

 **very hot**  
why are all the hot boys murderous and  
bloodthirsty?

_**valentinesboy**  _ **has left the chat**

**taeyongs**  
sorry ten, I don't know how to help you except  
to tell you to avoid this johnny since he might  
try to kill you again?

 

* * *

 

**everyone's a meme**

**suh john jeon  
** fuck

 **moonshine  
** what's wrong, johnny

 **suh john jeon  
** i tried to kill the wrong guy

 **moonshine**  
how the fuck do you manage to be  
the biggest mess I have had the  
misfortune of dealing with, johnny?

 **suh john jeon**  
i don't know! fuck fuck fuckity fuck. he was a   
cute guy, too 

 **jisols  
** the true reason johnny is upset: he was cute.

 **nayuta  
** exposed

 **moonshine**  
who were you trying to kill in the  
first place, johnny?

 **suh john jeon**  
one of Sunlight Wraith's dudes, but he got  
away and i ended up trying to kill the cutie

 **moonshine  
** I'm sorry for you, johnny, i really am

 **nayuta**  
there's really no better way to ruin your   
chances with someone than to try and  
kill them, johhny :) 

 **nayuta  
** congrats!

_**jisols** _ **has changed _everyone's a meme_ to  _johnny's a moron_**

**moonshine**  
has it never occurred to you to be  
sure of someone's identity before  
attempting to off them, johnny


	2. The Situation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **suh john jeon**  
>  um i may have an Actual Problem is  
> anybody available to lend an assist

**johnny's a moron**

**suh john jeon**  
um i may have an Actual Problem is  
anybody available to lend an assist

 **jisols  
** what's the situation, johnny boy

 **suh john jeon**  
okay so you remember the guy i almost  
killed yesterday

 **jisols**  
yeah, the cute one you were pretty much  
crying over. why

 **suh john jeon  
** shut up hansol

 **jisols**  
i'm trying to help you with your goddam  
problem johnny you could at least try to  
be grateful? 

 **suh john jeon**  
moving on. anyway, aforementioned guy  
that i almost killed yesterday tried to  
incinerate me earlier. like idfk how a guy  
that short and cute can move so fast but  
wow

 **suh john jeon  
** i was almost, literal toast

 **jisols  
**....

 **suh john jeon**  
and the reason i need an assist is i'm  
currently hiding from him because he is  
trying to kill me again

 **nayuta  
** what the fuck 

 **nayuta**  
both johnny and the cutie are maniacs  
who try to kill people they find cute??

 **moonshine  
** i guess

 **moonshine  
** wait what

 **suh john jeon**  
nakamoto yuta what is the meaning of  
that post i'm,,,, sweating

 **suh john jeon**  
do you mean he hypothetically finds me  
cute

 **jisols  
** y u t a 

 **moonshine  
** fucking!!! spill!!!

 **suh john jeon**  
yuta, i swear to god if you do not explain  
yourself i will unleash the might of the  
satan upon you

 **nayuta**  
you fuckers can't even let someone get  
his food smh

 **jisols  
** NO

 **nayuta  
** well fuck u then 

 **nayuta**  
i wouldn't say he finds you cute i'd  
say...... very hot is more accurate 

 **suh john jeon  
** but he's literally??? trying to kill me???

 **nayuta**  
WELL MAYBE THAT'S BECAUSE YOU  
TRIED TO KILL HIM YESTERDAY YOU   
UNEDUCATED BLOWFISH

 **suh john jeon**  
okaaaay but seriously when can some1  
get here and help me the fuck out

 **moonshine  
** calm your tits johnny, i'm almost there

 **suh john jeon  
** oh thank god, taeil you're an angel

 **suh john jeon  
** dfhfgjytdge fgh,, ghht45f

 **moonshine  
** is that some new kind of text lingo?

**_hello my name is haechan_ has changed _moonshine_ to _old™_**

**jisols  
** omg hyukkie you're alive

 **hello my name is haechan  
** i've survived!

 **nayuta**  
to answer taeil's question... no, that's  
not a new form of text lingo 

 

* * *

 

**ten outta ten and his various hoes**

**_very hot_ has added  _@jjhyun_  to the chat**

**_very hot_ has set @jjhyun's nickname as _valentinesboy_**

**very hot**  
so guys

 **very hot  
** you all know moon taeil right????

 **taeyongs  
** no, should i

 **valentinesboy**  
god-crafted face, slim body, beautiful   
eyes, a smile like the literal sun, a voice  
that is a literal godsend, how do you not  
know the blessing that is moon taeil? 

 **very hot  
** jaehyun, that's...

 **very hot**  
jaehyun you've got a crush a mile wide  
why have i not seen it before...

_very_ **_hot_ has changed _valentinesboy_ to _i love moon taeil_**

**taeyongs**  
iS MY SON GROWING UP AND GETTING A  
CRUSH

 **i love moon taeil  
** fck off taeyong, choke on a dick ten

 **very hot  
** i'm trying jaehyun, trust me

**_taeyongs_ has changed _very hot_ to _nasty hoe_**

**nasty hoe**  
you have no room to talk about nasty hoes  
taeyong, you're one of the nastiest hoes  
out there

 **nasty hoe  
** "please spit on me"

 **taeyongs  
** tHAT ONLY HAPPENED ONCE

 **nasty hoe**  
BUT IT STILL HAPPENED. I WALKED IN ON  
YOU AND DONGYOUNG DOING  
QUESTIONABLE THINGS SO MANY TIMES  
AND YET YOU THINK YOU HAVE ROOM TO  
CALL ME A NASTY HOE

 **taeyongs  
** well

 **taeyongs  
** we're both nasty hoes

 **nasty hoe  
** that's closer to the truth.

**_nasty hoe_ has changed _nasty hoe_ to _ten outta ten_**

**i love moon taeil**  
i'm going to pretend i never read any   
of that 

 **ten outta ten  
** don't even pretend to be pure jaehyun

 **ten outta ten  
** anyway back to the point, of moon taeil

 **i love moon taeil**  
this is taeil  


 **ten outta ten**  
i don't even want to know how you  
procured that picture jaehyun but yeah  
that's moon taeil

 **ten outta ten  
** either way

 **ten outta ten  
** taeil and i kinda locked blades earlier

 **ten outta ten**  
metaphorically of course because he's a  
staff-wielder

 **i love moon taeil  
**!!! why

 **ten outta ten**  
he's friends with that guy who tried to  
kill me, whose name is apparently johnny

 **ten outta ten  
** taeil convinced me not to kill him

 **ten outta ten  
** by kicking my ass

 **i love moon taeil  
** pretty and a badass

 **i love moon taeil**  
mom can i have your blessing i wanna  
marry him 

 **imnotabunny  
** you have my blessing

 **taeyongs  
** you have my blessing

 **ten outta ten**  
looks like both of your moms approve  
jaehyun xDDDD

 **i love moon taeil  
** i was talking to ty but okay i'll take that

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is probably going to be around 10 chapters just because I am lazy and I can do that  
> (watch it be 30+ chapters rip)


	3. That's Kinky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **long ass ride**  
>  ...ten hyung i always knew you had some  
>  weird ass kinks 

**ten outta ten and his various hoes**

**i love moon taeil**  
uhhh ten i met your tall very hot guy   
who almost killed you 

 **ten outta ten  
** what where

 **ten outta ten  
** did he try to kill you, too?

 **ten outta ten**  
because if he did i will kick his ass with  
no mercy -w-

 **imnotabunny  
** ten is adorable when he's angry

 **imnotabunny**  
but even then it's only for like five   
seconds and he's back to being an ugly  
ass hoe that no one wants to lay eyes  
upon 

 **ten outta ten  
** dongyoung, go suck ty's dick

 **imnotabunny  
** he's busy sucking mine 

 **ten outta ten  
** TMI

 **ten outta ten**  
also i think johnny got jaehyun :( rip  
jaehyun :( we'll miss you...

 **ten outta ten  
**.. being the butt of bad jokes

 **i love moon taeil**  
ten stop being an ass i had to do   
something ewe

 **i love moon taeil  
** i saw him in that one cafe

 **ten outta ten**  
very helpful. we all know there are no  
cafes in this city jaehyun, "that one cafe"  
really clears things up doesn't it :)))

 **i love moon taeil  
** the one where mark works you twat

 **ten outta ten  
** o h right!! m a r k

**_ten outta ten_  has added _@markleeminhyung_ to the chat**

**_ten outta ten_ has set @markleeminhyung's nickname to _long ass ride_**

**long ass ride  
** fucking finally

 **imnotabunny  
** language

 **ten outta ten  
** sorry mark, lowkey forget you

 **long ass ride**  
so what did i miss, aside from ten hyung  
being an ass who forget about me

 **i love moon taeil**  
ten's drama with a tall very hot guy who  
literally tried to kill him 

 **taeyongs  
** and then ten tried to kill him back

 **ten outta ten**  
dongyoung's stamina must be shit  
if ty track is done sucking dick  
that quick

 **imnotabunny  
** and then taeil beat ten's ass 

 **imnotabunny  
** also ten stfu

 **long ass ride**  
...ten hyung i always knew you had some  
weird ass kinks 

 **ten outta ten  
** m a r k

 **taeyongs  
** mark lee omg

**_ten outta ten_ has left the chat**

 

* * *

 

**johnny is a moron**

**suh john jeon  
** square the f up @nayuta

 **nayuta  
** why are you telling me to square up

 **suh john jeon  
** OH I DON'T KNOW

 **nayuta  
** then bitch don't do it

 **suh john jeon  
** that was sarcasm yuta

 **jisols**  
yuta's being exceptionally bitchy today  
johnny, best to ignore him 

 **nayuta  
** you're sleeping outside hansol

 **old™**  
hansol, it might be wise to watch what you  
say from this point on 

 **suh john jeon  
** before the lover spat gets any worse

 **suh john jeon  
** you're lucky i didn't kick your ass, yuta

 **suh john jeon**  
when were you going to tell me you knew  
him?

 **jisols  
** him being the cutie you keep crying over?

 **nayuta  
** johnny how would you kick my ass

 **nayuta  
** taeil had to rescue you from "the cutie"

 **nayuta  
** and i didn't plan on telling you, ever

 **nayuta  
** it's fun to watch you both suffer

 **hello my name is haechan**  
so basically yuta hyung is a sadistic  
motherfucker watching you cry over your  
crush, johnny hyung

 **old™**  
_@hello my name is haechan_ spot on my  
child

 **nayuta  
** right well

 **nayuta**  
the family domestic shit is all very fun  
but i'm gonna run before it gets any  
worse

 **jisols**  
wow he literally just bolted out of the   
room 

 **suh john jeon**  
were you two seriously in the same room  
but chatting at one another

 **jisols**  
hard to talk when you've got duct tape   
over your mouth 

 **hello my name is haechan  
** why are all of my hyungs kinky

 **suh john jeon  
** why didn't you take the duct tape off 

 **jisols**  
because yuta was giving me the death  
stare 

 **suh john jeon  
** you're,,, an actual coward

 **jisols**  
says the one who threatened to whip my  
boyfriend but hasn't actually gone and  
done it yet 

**_suh john jeon_ has deleted the chat**

 

* * *

 

"Johnny, did you seriously fucking delete the chat?!"  

"What does it look like, Taeil-hyung?!" 

"You're a fucking idiot," the elder muttered, with a slight shake of the head. "You're going to recreate it, right?" 

"Honestly? Probably not." Johnny hummed, shoving his hands down in his pockets and surveying a store window. The store was advertising enchanted trinkets; Johnny was willing to put money on it being a fraud. False or poor enchantments were one of the largest get-rich-quick schemes around, which was why he trusted very few to enchant his belongings. 

The staff-wielder frowned. "How else will we discuss your crush?" 

Five minutes later, Taeil was laughing (and screaming) as Johnny carried him toward a snow bank, intent on tossing him in. 

(It started a snowball fight that lasted for two hours.) 


	4. swol swol swol

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **taeyongs**  
>  stop being a stubborn hoe and just   
> fucking listen for five seconds, okay?

**operation get the kinky fucks to meet (civilly)**

**_nayuta_ has added @ _moontaeil_ , @ _markleeminhyung_ , @ _kimjungwoo_ and @ _jjhyun_ to the chat**

**nayuta**  
something needs to be done about ten  
and johnny 

 **kimjungwoo**  
so what do you propose we do about  
them

 **kimjungwoo  
** they keep trying to kill each other

**_@moontaeil_ has set @moontaeil's nickname as _taeillie_**

**_taeillie_ has set @kimjungwoo's nickname as _junguwu_**

**taeillie**  
exactly, they keep trying to kill each  
other, which is why we need to intervene

 **nayuta**  
hence the gc title: "get the kinky fucks to  
meet (civilly)" 

 **nayuta**  
I don't want to have to find new best   
friends

 **jjhyun  
** wait, yuta

 **jjhyun  
** you're best friends with johnny?!

 **nayuta  
** yeah 

 **nayuta  
** and taeil is his cousin 

 **jjhyun  
** o h 

 **junguwu  
** I'm also one of Johnny's friends, Jungwoo

 **junguwu  
** I'm one of the healers in the crew

 **nayuta**  
Do Not Discuss The Crew With Those   
Who Are Not Part Of The Crew

 **taeillie**  
relax, yuta, we can kill these two if they  
turn out to be unable to keep their mouths  
shut

 **jjhyun**  
i can suddenly see the appeal of being  
threatened with death

 **nayuta  
**...

**_nayuta_ has set @jjhyun's nickname as  _taeil is my kink_**

**taeillie  
**???

 **taeil is my kink  
** i hate you, yuta 

**_taeil is my kink_ has changed _taeil is my kink_ to _valentinesboy_**

**_valentinesboy_ has set @markleeminhyung's nickname as _long ass ride_**

**long ass ride  
** all of that aside

 **long ass ride**  
i tried sitting them down with shakes in  
the burger joint across the street from the  
cafe and they wrecked the place

 **long ass ride**  
how are we supposed to get them to get  
along with one another??? 

 **junguwu  
** bondage

 **valentinesboy  
** i just choked 

 **nayuta  
** bet you wish taeil was choking you 

 **taeillie  
** yuta, what the fuck 

 **junguwu  
** fine be dumbasses

**junguwu has left the chat**

**taeillie**  
now look what you did _@nayuta_  
 _@valentinesboy_ you made the baby   
leave

 **nayuta**  
technically mark is the baby here at the  
moment

**_taeillie_ has added _@kimjungwoo_ and _@heychan_ to the chat**

**long ass ride  
** hyukkie!

 **heychan  
** markie!

 **valentinesboy  
** what the fuck

 **long ass ride  
** this is my boyfriend donghyuck 

 **kimjungwoo**  
donghyuck never mentioned any  
boyfriends ewe

 **heychan  
** boyfriend 

 **heychan  
** singular

 **taeillie**  
donghyuck knows he would be   
permanently grounded if he brought   
home more than one boy at this young  
age 

 **heychan  
** what taeil hyung said

 **long ass ride**  
wait, taeil hyung. you're the short scary  
one with curly hair

 **taeillie  
**... scary? :(

 **long ass ride  
** jaehyun is in love with you 

**_valentinesboy_ has removed _long ass ride_ from the chat**

**_valentinesboy_ has left the chat**

 

* * *

 

 **ten outta ten and his various hoes**  

**_taeyongs_ has added _@chittaphon_ to the chat**

**_taeyongs_ has set @chittaphon's nickname as _ten outta ten_**

**ten outta ten  
** no

 **taeyongs  
** what do you mean "no"

 **ten outta ten  
** i mean no

 **taeyongs**  
you don't even know what I'm going to   
say, ten

 **ten outta ten  
** and i honestly don't think i need to

 **ten outta ten  
** whatever it is, it's a no

**_ten outta ten_ has left the chat**

**imnotabunny  
** that worked

**_taeyongs_ has added _@chittaphon_ to the chat**

**taeyongs  
** ten

 **chittaphon  
** WHAT

 **taeyongs**  
stop being a stubborn hoe and just   
fucking listen for five seconds, okay?

 **chittaphon  
** whatever

**_imnotabunny_ has set @chittaphon's nickname as  _fruitphobic_**

**taeyongs  
** thank you, ten 

 **taeyongs  
** anyway

 **taeyongs**  
i've been really worried about you and   
your health lately 

 **fruitphobic  
** what brought that about? i'm fine

 **taeyongs  
** it's that time of year again 

 **taeyongs**  
and in case you've forgotten what   
happened last year, i can refresh your  
memory

 **fruitphobic  
** no, i remember

 **taeyongs**  
soooooooo... i thought it would be in   
your best interests if you had   
someone who could care for you

 **fruitphobic  
** i'm dorming with jaehyun

 **taeyongs**  
except he's busy so he's not there all   
the time

 **taeyongs  
** i'm talking a constant companion

 **taeyongs**  
one strong enough to protect you from  
all manners of things and beasts

 **fruitphobic  
** including johnny?

 **taeyongs  
**... you could say that

 **fruitphobic  
** i'll bite. who is it?

 **taeyongs  
** that parts a surprise, tennie ;) 

 **fruitphobic**  
last time you said something was a  
surprise you turned up with a fruit  
basket, taeyong

 **taeyongs  
** i never

 **fruitphobic  
** yes. you. did.

 **taeyongs**  
well this time there are no fruit   
baskets involved 

 **imnotabunny**  
hopefully, that is. taeyong doesn't know  
for sure. 

 **fruitphobic**  
if there are fruit baskets involved, i am  
going to hack the school intercom and  
play around

 **taeyongs  
** FUCK

 **valentinesboy  
** bingeul bingeul round 

 **fruitphobic  
** round and round we go

 **taeyongs  
** STOP

 **mark lee  
** drop the bass on floor

 **fruitphobic  
** what comes around goes around

 **taeyongs  
** WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME

**_imnotabunny_ has changed _taeyongs_ to _bingeul bingeul round_**

**imnotabunny  
** swol swol swol

 **bingeul bingeul round  
** i hate all of you 

 **fruitphobic  
** love you too ty track

**_bingeul bingeul round_ has left the chat**

**long ass ride  
** LMAO

 **fruitphobic  
** he can consider himself warned

 **fruitphobic**  
this is nothing compared to what will  
happen if i find baskets of fruit again


	5. knock. knock knock. knock knock knock.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ten growled and tugged the door back open. "What the fuck do you want?"

Incessant rapping on the apartment door drew Ten out of his slumber. Cursing under his breath, he pushed out of his bed and stumbled through the apartment until he reached the door, running a hand through his hair and blinking blearily as he unlocked the door and jerked it open. 

"No," he said immediately, and slammed the door shut, locking it again.

_Knock. Knock. Knock knock knock._

Ten rolled his eyes and slunk back to his warm bed. The knocking ceased as he burrowed under his blankets again, cold toes poking against his cat, who was a good foot-warmer. Humming contentedly, Ten settled in to sleep more, but...

_Knock knock knock. Knock knock knock. Knock knock knock._

Ten threw off his blankets and stormed through the apartment he shared with Jaehyun, hip slamming against a table and knocking it over. The vase that had been resting on it shattered upon impact with the floor, but Ten didn't pause as he stomped up to the door, unlocked it, and tugged it open. 

Johnny smiled at him apologetically. "Is this a bad time?" 

Ten inhaled, and slammed the door once again. 

_Knock knock knock-_

Ten growled and tugged the door back open. "What the _fuck_ do you want?"

"Uh. Yuta said that Taeyong said that you need-" 

" _Taeyong_ ," Ten growled murderously. "I'm going to emotionally gut that bastard." 

Johnny recoiled, just a tiny bit - but it was satisfying all the same. Ten reached back to slam the door again, but Johnny surged forward, putting his foot in the door. Ten exhaled through his nose as he attempted to keep himself from skewering Johnny with the wooden stake by the door. 

(Jaehyun's ex was a vampire.) 

"What do you _want_ ," he spat, saving the homicide for later.

Johnny's smile was lopsided and nervous. "Look, Yuta and Taeyong will literally kill me if I don't protect you," he started. 

"When I'm done with Taeyong, he won't be a worry. And as far as protection is concerned, I don't need any from someone who couldn't even defeat _me_." Ten folded his arms, glaring up at the intruder. 

Something in the air shifted, and Johnny stepped out of the doorway. "Want a rematch?" 

Ten didn't trust the glimmering of his eyes, but he nodded anyway. 

And then slammed the door, because he really wanted to go back to sleep. 


	6. expositions and betrayals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **fruitphobic**  
>  none of that is important in the face of  
> taeyong's blatant betrayal

**ten outta ten and his various hoes**

**_fruitphobic_ has added _@leetaeyong_ to the chat**

**fruitphobic has set @leetaeyong's nickname as taeyongs**

**fruitphobic  
** LEE TAEYONG

 **taeyongs  
** what

 **valentinesboy  
** oh shit 

 **fruitphobic**  
YOU'RE FUCKING DEAD AS SOON AS I  
FINISH WITH JOHNNY

 **taeyongs  
** i'm just trying to help!

 **fruitphobic**  
by sending a bloodthirsty giant to my  
residence and entrusting him with my  
life??? yeah, that's really helping,  
taeyong!

 **taeyongs  
** he's not bloodthirsty

 **imnotabunny  
** please don't kill my boyfriend, ten 

 **imnotabunny  
** i'd rather not train a new one 

 **taeyongs  
** okay. wow.

 **taeyongs  
** i'm breaking up with you dongyoung

 **valentinesboy**  
uuuu he used the real name ouch he  
might actually be serious this time

 **fruitphobic**  
none of that is important in the face of  
taeyong's blatant betrayal

 **fruitphobic**  
JOHNNY LITERALLY TRIED TO KILL ME.  
why would you direct him to my home, In  
which i am supposed to feel safe and  
protected, not like i could be murdered at  
any moment

 **taeyongs**  
i was only trying to help, i don't think  
johnny actually wants to kill you

 **fruitphobic  
** well i do

 **nayuta  
** well you're probably wrong

 **imnotabunny  
** OMG

 **imnotabunny  
** YUTA LIVES

 **nayuta  
** stfu doyoung, i've been alive

 **fruitphobic  
** yuta wdym

 **nayuta  
** ah, nothing, really :) don't mind me!

 **fruitphobic  
** yuta.

 **fruitphobic**  
do not test me right now or my hitlist  
will gain a japanese name.

 **nayuta  
** :p

 **nayuta**  
shouldn't you be worried about your   
"rematch" with johnny rather than which  
of your friends you're gonna kill

 **fruitphobic  
** where did you hear about that

 **taeyongs  
** rematch? 

 **long ass ride  
**???

 **valentinesboy**  
rip chittaphon leechaiyapornkul, you will  
not be missed and neither will your long  
name

 **fruitphobic  
** i'll kill you jaehyun

 **nayuta**  
ten, i do know people outside of our   
circle. i heard it from johnny, of course.

 **fruitphobic  
** WHAT.

 

* * *

 

**operation get the kinky fucks to meet (civilly)**

**nayuta has added _@markleeminhyung_ , _@doyoung_ , _@jjhyun_ and _@jhansol_ to the chat**

**nayuta  
** new mission everyone 

 **nayuta**  
we have to keep ten and johnny from  
killing one another

 **nayuta**  
they have a fight scheduled for   
tomorrow afternoon in the park   
where johnny tried to kill him the   
first time

 **nayuta  
** they're calling it "the rematch" 

 **taeillie**  
i thought johnny was supposed to be  
protecting ten, not fighting him?

 **jhansol**  
obviously the romantic bodyguard  
scenario did not turn out quite as   
expected

 **jjhyun  
** stating the obvious much 

 **heychan**  
why don't we knock them out, disarm  
them and lock them in a closet together

 **nayuta**  
yeah that's a great idea. johnny's afraid of  
the dark, donghyuck

 **taeillie  
** we'll just have to disrupt their rematch

 **taeillie  
** i'll kick both of their rears if need be

 **doyoung  
** ffs stop looking so hearteyed jaehyun

 **jjhyun  
** i'm NOT

 **jhansol**  
as great as that would be to watch, taeil,   
i think we need to try another approach

 **taeillie**  
precisely. i'll cause sunlight wraith to  
attack the two of them. perhaps fighting  
together will make them lose interest in  
killing one another long enough to  
realize they're not mortal enemies.

 **nayuta**  
don't you think that's a little overkill,   
hyung? if they don't stop fighting each  
other, sunlight wraith might kill them.

 **taeillie**  
that's why _@jjhyun_ and i will be in the  
cafe across the street to ensure things  
don't get out of hand

 **doyoung**  
he literally just choked. thanks, now he's  
going to be even more insufferable than  
usual.

 **nayuta  
** that was,,, unexpected

**markleeminhyung**   
  


**markleeminhyung**  
maybe now jaehyun hyung will stop  
whining about how much he loves   
taeil

 **nayuta**  
DID YOU JUST OPENLY EXPOSE HIM  
LMFAO

 **doyoung  
** you just used my boyfriend as a meme

 **taeillie  
** why am i here.


	7. hey, johnny's big

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **fruitphobic**  
>  one last selfie with my bff in case i die  
>  today!

**ten outta ten and his various hoes**

**fruitphobic**  
one last selfie with my bff in case i die  
today!

**fruitphobic**  


**valentinesboy  
** sfdgfhj ten you're such a drama queen

 **fruitphobic  
** hey, johnny's big

 **long ass ride  
** that's what she said

 **taeyongs  
** MARK LEE MINHYUNG.

 **fruitphobic**  
mark lee, you're really lucky you're ty's  
precious baby or i would kick your ass  
instead of johnny's. i mean he's big as in  
he's a skyscraper

 **valentinesboy  
** nah. you're just short

 **imnotabunny**  
even renjun is taller than you now??? and  
he's a baby

 **fruitphobic**  
now i'm reminded of why i hate all of you.  
you're literally the worst friends ever

 **fruitphobic  
** anyw i have a date with death, gotta run

 **valentinesboy**  
but i thought you were confident you   
could win?

 **fruitphobic**  
that was before i remembered none of  
my so-called squad were cheering me on

 **fruitphobic  
** or even rooting for me

 **taeyongs  
** tennie,,, i'm always rooting for you

 **taeyongs  
** bub

 **taeyongs  
** you're my best friend!

 **imnotabunny**  
babe, i think he left. 

 

* * *

 

**operation get the kinky fucks to meet (civilly)**

**nayuta  
** johnny is en route

 **nayuta  
** taeil, jaehyun, are you in position

 **jjhyun  
** i'm almost there now

 **taeillie  
** i'm here

 **nayuta**  
good. doyoung, jungwoo, hansol, are you  
in your positions?

 **jhansol**  
we're waiting on you, where the hell are  
you

 **nayuta  
** long story

 **nayuta  
** but i'm omw

 **nayuta**  
for anyone who doesn't know ten, this  
is him:

**nayuta**  


**kimjungwoo  
** he's actually,,, kinda cute

 **kimjungwoo**  
are you sure this is the guy who wants to  
kill johnny? he looks soft

 **valentinesboy  
** i snorted

 **doyoung  
** "soft"

 **nayuta  
** jungwoo, you already have lucas

 **nayuta**  
and we're literally trying to keep these two  
from killing each other so they can have  
mini-johnnys and mini-tens in the future

 **nayuta  
** and ten is the farthest thing from soft

 **doyoung**  
what about johnny, i want to know what  
he looks like 

 **kimjungwoo  
** he's so tol you can't miss him 

**nayuta**  
  


**nayuta**  
i don't have a picture of him from today  
but basically look out for a giant with  
black hair and an undercut

 **taeillie**  
i don't have a picture but he's wearing   
ripped jeans and a metallica t-shirt under  
a uni hoodie

 **taeillie**  
he should have accepted hyukkie's fashion  
advice

 **heychan  
** this is what a good hyung looks like 

 **nayuta  
** we love having cousins in the chat

 **nayuta  
** thank you for the details, taeil

 **nayuta  
** alright, everyone, good luck!

 **doyoung  
** we're going to need it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am alive, this is shit, oh well.


	8. i think you suck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You know these assholes, Johnny?"

Johnny should have honestly put on warmer clothing. A pair of ripped jeans and his university hoodie definitely weren't warm enough for a battle outside in the snow. Nonetheless, he'd wanted to look presentable - and he was definitely presentable, no matter what Donghyuck had to say about the situation. Donghyuck was a brat, anyway, and Taeil spoiled him _endlessly_. 

"I was almost scared you were going to stand me up!" 

Ten's voice was more playful than it had been the last time they had met, when he seemed so angry and kept slamming the door in Johnny's face. 

"You say that like we're on a date," Johnny stated, amused, but when he turned to face Ten, the amusement was gone - he felt like someone had just knocked all the breath out of him. Ten was gorgeous, snowflakes dusting pale hair and skin and melting into his maroon button-down. 

Ten playfully struck a pose, a teasing grin spreading across his features. "You're staring," he remarked. "But that's not why we're here." 

Johnny shook his head violently. "I wasn't staring," he denied, even though they both knew he had been. Ten only smirked at him, amusement clear in the way his eyes twinkled.

"Right," Ten drawled, but he didn't push the topic (to Johnny's relief). "Rules? Guidelines?" 

"There weren't any the first time," Johnny shrugged. 

"Fair enough." And then Ten was pouncing at him, drawing long knives that Johnny hadn't even _noticed_ being sheathed at his hips. With a curse, Johnny dove out of the way, drawing the sword off of his back and lunging in to meet Ten's next attack and force him back. They both had their personal disadvantages, and one of Johnny's was that he was fighting with one blade, while Ten had two. 

Back and forth they went, the cold and snow forgotten as Johnny focused on attack and defense. Ten was quick, quick and _skilled_. Thankfully he wasn't trailing literal flames, however. When he had tried to incinerate Johnny, he'd literally been on fire, and that had been the scariest shit Johnny'd ever seen (aside from the time someone called Taeil short, and he had pointed out all the ways short people could easily kill or incapacitate someone). 

Things were going fine, and maybe Johnny was even having fun, until their fight was very rudely interrupted by other people joining the fray. That didn't make Johnny happy, and it didn't seem to make Ten happy either, because his catlike eyes were no longer twinkling - rather, they were cold and scathing. 

"You!" Johnny gasped, recognizing one of the men who had interrupted their fight. Ten glanced at him, while stomping on a man's wrist until he released his weapon. Johnny probably shouldn't have found that so attractive.

"You know these assholes, Johnny?" 

Johnny shook his head, parrying a blow and helping one of their attackers over his hip. "Not personally. They're from this gang called Sunlight Wraith. My crew has been hunting Sunlight Wraith for years. This guy" -he swept the man in question's leg and ended up getting pulled to the ground with him, dropping his sword in the process- "is someone I've been tracking." 

"Mm." Johnny heard bones snap and someone scream, and didn't look at whatever Ten was doing. He seemed very... brutal. 

"He's the guy I- _fuck_!" Johnny narrowly avoided getting knifed in the ribcage, and managed to roll himself and his opponent so that he had control of the situation. Hearing Ten snort, he colored and rushed to explain the situation. "Not the guy I _fuck_. He's the guy I was trying to kill when I, uh, ended up trying to kill you." 

"Johnny?" 

"Yeah?" 

"I think you and your crew suck," Ten informed him. "These guys are a _joke_." 

Johnny colored again, as he knocked his opponent out with a swift punch (and threw another, just to be sure). "Hey, call me paranoid but I think these guys were softened up by someone." 

Ten crouched down beside him. "But who would do that? It's almost as if..." 

As one they harmonized, "Someone didn't want us fighting." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I suck at writing wow


	9. it's a date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **nayuta  
> ** you've been exposed, sirs

**square the fuck up bitches**

_**@chittaphon** _ **has added** _**@johnseo** _ **to the chat**

**_@chittaphon_ has set @chittaphon's nickname as _ten outta ten_**

**_ten outta ten_  has set @johnseo's nickname as _johnny_**

**ten outta ten**  
okay johnny  
you add your friends and i'll add mine

**johnny  
** sounds good 

**_ten outta ten_  has added _@markleeminhyung_ , _@nayuta_ , _@jjhyun_ , _@leetaeyong_ ,   
and  _@doyoung_ to the chat**

**_johnny_ has added _@kimjungwoo_ , _@heychan_ , _@moontaeil_ ,  _@wongcas,_ and   
 _@jhansol_ to the chat**

**ten outta ten  
** Y'ALL HAVE A LOT OF EXPLAINING TO DO

**wongcas  
** the fuck is this

**_@wongcas_ has set @wongcas's nickname as  _lucas_**

**kimjungwoo**  
i take it ten outta ten must be ten

**moontaeil  
** stop swearing, yukhei

**leetaeyong  
** ten what's going on 

**_@doyoung_ has set @doyoung's nickname as  _imnotabunny_**

**_@doyoung_ has set @leetaeyong's nickname as _taeyongs_**

**johnny  
** was it you, hansol 

**ten outta ten**  
it was probably mr. i love moon taeil and  
want to kiss his feet for the rest of my life

**ten outta ten**  
and by that i mean jaehyun

**ten outta ten  
** wait no

**ten outta ten  
** jaehyun mildly values his life

**lucas  
** who is ten? 

**nayuta**  
lucas, have you not been keeping up on   
the gc drama lately??? 

**imnotabunny  
** ten is the worst person in the world

**johnny  
** whose idea was it to ruin our rematch 

**johnny  
** like, seriously 

**johnny**  
we were in our element and you had to go   
and ruin it for us??? 

**ten outta ten  
** very not cool

**nayuta**  
but like,,, we don't want y'all killing one   
another because your dumb asses think   
unresolved sexual tension is unresolved   
battle tension 

**ten outta ten  
** what sexual tension

**johnny**  
what sexual tension

**nayuta  
** gun, mouth, bang.

**_@jjhyun_ has set @jjhyun's nickname as _valentinesboy_**

**valentinesboy  
** the two of you literally reek of it

**ten outta ten**  
oh so you're close enough to smell us  
now, jaehyun?

**valentinesboy  
** i wasn't saying that literally

**johnny  
** there's no sexual tension

**ten outta ten**  
this is perfectly nonsexual desire to kill  
one another

**taeyongs  
** uh-huh

**taeyongs**  
i seem to recall a certain someone saying  
that another certain someone was very   
hot

**ten outta ten  
** TAEYONG

**nayuta  
** OOOOOH

**moontaeil**  
and johnny likes to remind us that he finds  
ten cute

**johnny  
** TAEIL

**nayuta  
** you've been exposed, sirs

**johnny  
** fuck you, yuta

**nayuta  
** wouldn't you rather fuck ten? 

**johnny  
** DG;JDF;H;JGFKJ

**ten outta ten  
** yuta, i'm literally right here

**moontaeil  
** johnny doesn't want to fuck ten

**ten outta ten  
** ouch

**moontaeil**  
he wants to hold his hand and take him on  
dates and walk him home and be   
sickeningly cute with him

**johnny  
** tAEIL

**ten outta ten  
** johnny's blushing

**taeyongs  
** wait are you guys still together

**ten outta ten  
** maybe ;)

**heychan**  
oh fgs just go fuck or cuddle or  
whatever already

**johnny  
** DONGHYUCK

**ten outta ten**  
how do you know we aren't doing all of  
the above already

**ten outta ten  
** or that we haven't

**heychan**  
because i'm literally watching you guys  
from across the street 

**markleeminhyung**  
y'all making us cold, are you going to go  
inside where it's warm yet

**ten outta ten  
** ARE YOU SPYING ON US???

**taeyongs  
** wait what was i left out of???

**imnotabunny**  
sorry yongie. you're ten's bff. we couldn't  
risk you telling him our plans

**taeyongs  
** i'm breaking up with you

**nayuta**  
taeyong, you "break up" with doyoung every  
day 

**kimjungwoo  
** you're distracting from our main topic

**moontaeil  
** focus on the johnten agenda

**ten outta ten  
** "johnten agenda"

**ten outta ten  
** y'all are the worst

**lucas  
** you don't even know some of us 

**ten outta ten  
** you're friends with yuta. need i say more

**lucas  
** yuta is cool 

**johnny  
** and this is what is wrong with lucas. 

**lucas**  
pshhh at least i didn't try to kill a cute  
guy at first sight 

_**johnny** _ **has deleted the chat**

 

* * *

 

**[ private chat between _@chittaphon_ and _@johnseo_ ]**

**chittaphon**  
so do you actually think i'm cute, is the  
important question

**johnseo  
** sdgfgjf

**johnseo  
** y e s 

**chittaphon  
** thought so

**johnseo  
**... 

**chittaphon**  
you weren't very subtle when you  
checked me out earlier

**johnseo  
** well

**johnseo  
** you looked really good 

**chittaphon  
** flattered ;)

**johnseo  
** so do we need to rematch again

**chittaphon  
** johnny

**johnseo  
** yes? 

**chittaphon**  
it's two am and i need my beauty  
sleep. we can talk rematch in the  
morning

**chittaphon**  
or we could just grab coffee and  
talk shit about our meddling friends  
instead

**johnseo  
**...how about we grab coffee 

**johnseo  
** i'll pick you up? 

**chittaphon  
** it's a date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> rushed chapter. I need to stop writing late at night.


End file.
